A Guide to Choosing & Pursuing Your Main Mom Objectives
Despite all the Crazy-making Distractions & Drama of your Adoptive/Blended Family!
The goal of every Second Mom (adoptive or other permanent mom raising a child she didn’t give birth to) is to be the best mom she can be for her child, right?!
But with the distractions, drama and (let’s call it what it is) dysfunction” that are so common in non-traditional families like ours” it can be hard to keep from losing track of those things that are most important or even know what real “success” even looks like for us. (Sometimes, it’s just getting through the day it seems!)
Oftentimes, a few laser-focused shifts, skills and/or strategies can do a lot to turn things around. So you want to be super-clear on what IS most important in your own unique mom role, with what YOU need to reach your mom goals. Fuzzy & foggy notions that aren’t specific to your unique and individual mom role & main mom goals are no longer sufficient.
Maybe you’ve been seeking out and trying all the best advice for typical moms in typical families and wondering why none of it works for you, or it does until it doesn’t, and then the negative behaviors, drama, (and your own feelings) are even worse...and you can’t move forward because the basics of a well-functioning (or even semi-functioning!) household are not in place.
And it’s not because you haven’t tried. To the contrary! You’ve tried. It. All.
It can make you feel like a you’re losing ground as a parent. Like a failure as a mom.
But today, you’re in the right place!! I’m going to share a process that will help you know what to focus on NOW, (and what you can let go of that’s getting in the way!!) without burning yourself out in the process.
I'll tell you about the Mom Mission Mapping process, how it works and how you can get started.
So…What Is this Mom Mission Mapping process & How will it help me?
The process of creating your personal Mom Mission Map allows you to visually connect the dots in your second mom journey — the past, present & future — through a specific way of storyboarding, so that you see your own past & present milestones (like your strengths, successes, key events & people in your life) in order to get a clearer vision about the next part of the journey.
Once completed (and even during the process) your MOM MISSION MAP — like a roadmap, but so much more — propels you forward with clarity, courage & confidence, giving you a ready reference (your completed MOM MAP!!) that helps you focus on your chosen mom goals and stay out of the dangerous weeds full of things like depression, disillusionment, and self-doubt.
The mapping process lets you see a big picture (the forest) and connect the dots (pathway markers through the forest) to help you avoid being stuck without knowing your next steps… or just wandering aimlessly… so you can confidently know that you’re headed in the right direction both as a mom and in life.
If traditional paths have proven treacherous or impassable for you in your non-traditional family, creating your Mom Mission Map can help you see the big picture & choose the right next steps.
Do you need a different path?
A path that is a fit for you within your specific family characteristics?
Take a look at the Mom Mapping overview to get a sense of how the process would work to quickly illuminate that new & better path for you! Download the free Mom Mission Mapping chart below for the exact process I can guide you through to create your own personal Mom Mission Map!
Download now: https://dawnbaggett.com/page/download-free-chart
Why Is Mapping Your Mom Mission Important?
Statistics show that while the majority of adoptions are “successful” (according to their definition) there is a significant percentage that end in disruption or dissolution.
Among the causes of “adoption instability” that leads ultimately to disruption/dissolution the NCFA (National Council For Adoption) reports that statistically, higher levels of education for adoptive moms are associated with MORE disruptions/dissolutions!
Interestingly, the adoptive mother’s educational attainment level emerges as an indicator of adoption placement instability, with higher educational levels associated with more disruptions or dissolutions when compared to mothers with more modest academic achievements (Barth et al., 1988; Coakley & Berrick, 2008). More contemporary research, however, complicates these findings suggesting that the adoptive mother’s education is actually a proxy for “heightened expectations” regarding the adopted child, and it is instead the adoptive parent’s expectations that are associated with adoption instability (Barth & Miller, 2000; Helder et al., 2014; Palacios et al., 2018). *
*Highlighting added
Occurance of disruption/dissolution of an adoption is a very low bar for adoption “success” is it not?
And of course we parents cannot remove our prior education…and does anybody really believe that is really the issue here?
Instead I propose that we educate ourselves further. As I often encourage my listeners, I believe a better goal for us as parents is to “keep learning, keep growing and keep loving.”
Age (of child at adoption), ACEs (prior Adverse Childhood Experiences), acting out behaviors (specifically aggression & sexual acting out) are other factors cited in the research for adoption instability that can result in disruption/dissolution.
Adoptive parents report that lack of complete and accurate information about their child’s history prior to adoption also negatively affects adoption stability, as reported in the research literature.
Even if you aren’t facing an adoption disruption/dissolution, the level of parental success you feel as an adoptive mom may be affected, at least in part, for the same/similar reasons.
Many times adoptive moms are putting all kinds of effort into rowing the metaphorical boat even while the water’s rising all around them and their boat is sinking!
My goal for you is that by creating & implementing your personal, prayed-through Mom Map you’ll be able to plug enough of the holes to stop the boat from sinking, so that your rowing efforts will actually get you moving in the right direction.
Know you are doing exactly what you need to move toward your personal mom goals. Also, Mom Mapping gives you the ability to filter out those things that distract or steer you away from your established mom goals and lets you get a birds’ eye view to see how God has been leading you on this path, step by step, even when you didn’t recognize it. That means you won’t have to constantly second guess yourself or wonder if you’ve blown it.
If the Mom Mapping sounds a little weird or confusing I get it. You’re a smart woman who knows what it is to be a good mom.
But it can get hard to “see” your own success, when the waters are muddied by things like crazy behaviors, attachment challenges, trauma triggers, misplaced blame & more. This is where it can be helpful having your own Mom Mission Map.
Tips for Making your Mom Mission Map work for You
Here are a few tips to help you maximize your results with the Mom Mission Mapping process:
First, trust the process.
To achieve the best results in creating and benefitting from your Mom Mission Map, you have to fully participate in the mapping process.
When you storyboard your life using the specific categories of the mapping process, you effectively connect the dots to see the path that has led you to this moment.
This is a huge eye-opener!
For example what if:
- You suddenly see that the very struggles that have plagued you since grade school gave you the exact experience & insights to help your child with what they’re going through today?
- Rather than feeling ashamed, you learn that facing your biggest fear led to your biggest successes?
- God didn’t abandon you during the most vulnerable time of your life — that’s when God brought your new best friend to encourage and support you?
Next, don’t rush through the steps but don’t get bogged down either. When you go through the mapping process methodically, you can see that it comes together like the pieces of a beautiful puzzle.
In other words, you rush through it and you lose puzzles pieces ending up with missing chunks and an incomplete picture. But if you get bogged down on one area you may never finish the puzzle at all!
To get started:
- Determine your purpose in creating your Mom Mission Map. The Map should essentially answer the question “where do I go from here?” for you. Get specific about that question to arrive at a clear purpose to begin your mapping process. It could be something like:
- Where do I go from here in taking care of my health concerns
- Where do I go from here to feel safer with my aggressive teen?
- Where do I go from here regarding school decisions for my special needs son?
- Download the free Mom Mission Mapping Chart for a bird’s eye view of the mapping process.
- Commit to the mapping process. This can be an emotional process and you may even need to take a temporary break here and there to let your emotions settle. You may also have amazing breakthroughs before the process (and your Map!) is even completed! I encourage you to keep going and finish your Mom Mission Map. Similar to a manifest, this is something you can continue to refer to. That’s not to pressure you to get it all perfect. (Or let the idea of not getting it perfect deter you) You can certainly revise or re-do your Mom Mission Map as you choose.
- Finally, consider whether to DIY this or work with a partner (like me!)
Nowadays, more and more people are working with coaches on important projects because of the personal support and ability to get to their goals faster.
If you want to create your personal Mom Mission Map coupled with personal support and speed (without rushing through & missing out) you can’t overlook this crucial step.
Because I’m not only an experienced adoptive mom who’s been through the fire so to speak, but also a trained & certified LifeMapping® coach — working with me through your mapping process can help you get to the finish line without getting stuck, with personal support from someone who can relate to you and situations like yours.
Start Your Mom Mission Mapping Process Today
I hope this guide on the process of creating your personal Mom Mission Map has been helpful. If you take anything away from this guide, remember that your God-given smarts can be harnessed as an asset, rather than written off as a liability in your second mom role.
The best way to put your brain to work on your mom role is to start with your purpose (for this child, this situation, this phase of the journey that perhaps you’re unsure about), that way you can set yourself up for creating a mom map that clearly answers your specific “where do I go from here” question with definitive next steps.
So, what do you say?
Are you ready to give it a go?
Free Mom Mission Mapping Chart!
Now that you know the ins and outs of why you might want to create a personal Mom Mission Map, it's time to grab your Mom Mission Mapping Chart for a sneak peek overview of the process. The following Mom Mission Mapping Chart allows you to get a sneak peek of the actual steps in the mapping process that I can guide you through to chart your own second mom journey (and more!) to this very point to give you an eye-opening bird’s eye view of where you’ve been, where you are now, and importantly…where you’re headed!
Download your Mom Mission Mapping Chart HERE.
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Post Adoption (Mom) Coach
“STANDING IN THE GAP FOR 2ND MOMS”
Dawn Baggett is a podcaster and thought leader in Christian post adoption. As a Certified LifeMapping(R) Coach, Dawn helps Christian adoptive moms navigate the challenges of their non-traditional families with their own brand of success!
DISCLAIMER: I’m a coach, not a doctor nor a therapist. As a coach I do not offer mental or medical health diagnosis, treatment or cures. Furthermore, I am no longer a practicing attorney and do not offer individual legal advice. For individual advice related to your own personal situation I recommend you seek out an appropriate professional. Coaching may fill a spot in your overall support network.
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Copyright © 2024 Dawn T. Baggett, JD & Legacy Living, LLC - All rights reserved
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