Season 2, Episode 6
Have you ever been falsely accused?
Ever feel the need to call out "not me!!" or "that’s not true!!"? When falsely accused or mis-characterized, how do you feel?
It’s easy to feel a flood of emotion and become extremely defensive when we're feeling judged and judged wrongly. It can be a trigger if this happened before in your past, or if there’s a trauma background. If you have a background where you were not allowed to really express your own feelings, emotions or opinions and just had to tiptoe around others in order to just get by -- When unjustly and unfairly accused now, what do you do? What's the proper response? Well I think it can vary.
6 Things to Consider when
Responding to False Accusations
1. We can listen (to a point) - if it is safe to do so (and that includes being emotionally safe).
2. Reflect. I think self-reflection is important to see if there’s any truth to the accusation and what is it all about. Is it more about the other person’s feelings, thoughts, opinions, a misunderstanding, or is it about really something about us that may be coming across wrong, that may be coming across inaccurately, so I think self-reflection is a good, proper response..
3. Discern whether to Defend. What if we begin to get upset or angry? We might feel like we want to defend ourselves! That seems like a natural response - but is it the best response though? Maybe - maybe not. And certainly, I don’t think it’s always the best response - especially if it is going to escalate the situation and put us or someone else in danger.
4. Consider Motive. Often times false accusations are more about the other person & the other person’s agenda. When we can see that and recognize it for what it is, I think it can help us take a step back and get clarity on what really is going on. 
5. Opt Out. Is there someone in your life who just seems to make accusations to pull you into their drama? To get you riled up? Push your buttons? How do you react or respond? How’s that working?
Remember, you have a choice! Whether you choose to defend or explain is up to you. If there’s a pattern with this person and you know they aren’t receptive, then why waste your breath and shoot up your blood pressure?
You CAN opt out of the drama.
I’ve learned it can be better to avoid explaining, defending, or convincing…in other words, avoid getting sucked into the drama and adding fuel to their flame.
6. Gray rock is a term from the psychology field that can be useful. It entails a non-response response that is indifferent to the other person. Especially when there is no reason to think the person will be receptive to anything you say.
Just be careful to use this strategy appropriately and realize that it can also cause harm in a relationship if used inappropriately and taken to the extreme. A modified version might be best to start with while leaving the door open for further conversation and repair.
Would you like to continue the conversation? Contact me with the menu above.
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Post Adoption (Mom) Coach
“STANDING IN THE GAP FOR 2ND MOMS”
Publishing this podcast & companion blog is one way that I stand in the gap for second moms with similar challenges to what I’ve gone through myself as an adoptive mom.
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Group members who want next level support through private coaching with me are invited to apply to my private coaching program.
Through these avenues it’s my desire that many adoptive moms are able to close the gap and feel fully supported in a way that align with their Christian values and helps them grow in their faith while feeling more confident and empowered in their mom roles and beyond.
