Embracing Freedom from Unnecessary Drama: The Power of Self-Control for Adoptive Moms
Today I’m introducing the second simple but powerful shift of our three-part series focusing on transformative Unilateral Shifts you can make in your role as an adoptive mom.
The last couple of episodes were parts one & two of Unilateral Shift #1 about embracing a lens of acceptance over accountability for a new view on patterns of challenging behaviors. If you missed those episodes you might want to go back and listen to them.
Today’s focus is Unilateral Shift #2 —
Forging Freedom from Unnecessary Drama.
This and the other two shifts are part of my Authentic Modeling Method for post-adoptive moms for whom standard parenting methods frequently miss the mark.
Unnecessary drama can errupt in post-adoptive families from all the normal sources… and then some.
Common post-adoption family dynamics and accompanying drama can negatively affect the entire family. (My experience & the experiences of countless others bear this out) It’s normal to feel chaotic and out of control. It’s also normal to react with efforts to bring things back under control in order to feel better, but those efforts may actually make matters worse.
It’s key to recognize what we can and cannot control within these sometimes tricky & very challenging dynamics.
This Unilateral Shift #2 boils down to a choice of Opting for Self-Control Over Others' Control.
• This shift is first of all unilateral as is each of the three shifts in this series.
It is something that you can choose to implement on your own, without having to convince your spouse or child or anyone else to cooperate or needing their buy-in for you to get started. It means adopting a me-first approach when it comes to opting out of excessive drama and to disrupt the patterns that fuel it.
• You’ll distinguish between trying to control others (a common source of drama) and focusing on self-control.
• You’ll embrace the important role of self-awareness in recognizing triggers (yours and/or theirs) for unnecessary drama, and adopting proactive measures to address them.
• I want to forewarn you that this new approach will likely seem highly counterintuitive at first.
The Essence of the Authentic Modeling Method
Helping you distance yourself from the drama is one benefit of my Authentic Modeling Method of non-confrontational influence; and you can start to do that today with this key shift when you choose to disengage from whatever drama erupts.
You do that by taking and maintaining control of yourself…not your teenage daughter who’s shooting insults, …not your nine year old son who refuses to do his homework,… not your husband who clashes with you in front of the kids.
Why?
Because you’re choosing from a place of power and influence NOT to make this a power struggle.
You are taking control of what is yours — and that is your ability to respond intentionally and purposefully rather than react.
This method as a whole empowers adoptive moms to lead by example, shifting from direct/confrontational communication to indirect/non-confrontational influence.
Confession: It’s hard not to fall back into the old patterns & I’m a work in progress. I’ve not mastered this…yet. And I’m not even aiming at 100% which is an unrealistic goal. I can tell you that pockets of progress can go a long way.
With God’s direction I have brought together things I have learned and put into practice along the way to develop the Authentic Modeling Method to provide other adoptive moms a sensible, do-able method for those tough days and seasons. This is the method that I could have used but didn’t have. And this particular shift that I’m sharing today, can be an excellent first step in creating distance from the drama and making space for more positive moments of connection, healing & growth.
Practical Steps to Implement a Shift away from Others Control toward Self-Control
To embrace this shift of self-control over others control, as with the entire method you’ll need to start with your foundation of faith.
Embrace self-control with knowing how you want to show up and recognizing that self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit that can be nurtured through spiritual disciplines such as prayer & Bible study
An important piece is defining your own personal boundaries (self-imposed limits such as refusing to stay in a conversation once it’s turned to name-calling or cursing); plus employing communication strategies to help you detach yet remain loving.
To better implement this and the other two unilateral shifts for the best results I encourage you to develop a plan to leverage these and other strategies to influence family & household dynamics positively without engaging in direct confrontations if excessive drama is a real problem. This is something we can work together on in coaching.
Take some time to plan and think through common scenarios in your post-adoption family life where this Unilateral Shift can be applied and brainstorm possible responses or actions that you might take. It may seem simple but this is an important step. Because it’s different from what you’ve been doing, and so counterintuitive, it’s more difficult to think through in the heat of the moment and pre-planning can make a huge difference.
Got Questions?
I’ll be happy to address questions from listeners who are part of our Facebook group - Circle of Second Moms in Adoptive Families. See the link in the episode description to join or see the join link below the companion blog post at dawnbaggett.com
If you’re interested in personal post-adoption coaching to help guide you in integrating this shift and the Authentic Modeling Method into your life I invite you to add your name to my application call waitlist with the link in the episode description which is dawnbaggett.com/page/waitlist.
Conclusion:
I hope that this episode has helped you recognize the power you have in by tapping into your self-control for alleviating unnecessary drama in your post-adoptive household.
In the next and final episode of this series, I plan to share Unilateral Shift #3 with you about putting away your power struggles.
If you’re ready to start distancing yourself from unnecessary drama I encourage you to begin applying what you’ve learned today and test it out for yourself.
And as always,
KEEP LEARNING - KEEP GROWING - KEEP LOVING
💜🩷♥️
Dawn
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Post Adoption (Mom) Coach
“STANDING IN THE GAP FOR 2ND MOMS”
Publishing this podcast & companion blog is one way that I stand in the gap for second moms with similar challenges to what I’ve gone through myself as an adoptive mom.
Listen & subscribe to the podcast for free on your favorite listening platform.
(Scroll down for Apple Podcasts & Spotify links).
The companion Circle of Second Moms Facebook group is a place to go deeper on topics that we touch on in the public podcast episodes along with guided journaling and more. Tap the JOIN LINK HERE for group access.
Group members who want next level support through private coaching with me are invited to apply to my private coaching program.
Through these avenues it’s my desire that many adoptive moms are able to close the gap and feel fully supported in a way that align with their Christian values and helps them grow in their faith while feeling more confident and empowered in their mom roles and beyond.
