As adoptive mothers, we often pour our hearts and souls into nurturing our children, hoping to create a loving and stable environment...
Yet, facing rejection from the very children we cherish can be a painful and bewildering experience. This is a path I know well, not only as an experienced adoptive mom but also as a post-adoption mom coach.
Today, I want to offer a fresh perspective on this heart-wrenching experience, inspired by a biblical narrative of rejection — the story of the prophet Samuel from I Samuel 8:4-9.
Plus -- I am sharing a four part W.A.R.N. strategy -- a Biblical approach directly from this passage!
Learn the exact steps for handling rebellious rejection at any level in your household. Or anytime you feel a sense of personal rejection that comes with rebellious attitudes, backtalk, personal accusations or other behavior.
Understanding the Root of their Rejection
In this Scripture passage, Samuel, the devoted spiritual leader, was confronted by the elders of Israel. They demanded a king to lead them, saying, “You are old, and your sons do not follow your ways; now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other nations have.” Samuel felt rejected, his years of faithful service seemingly dismissed. In his displeasure, he turned to the Lord for guidance.
Reading Between the Lines
The accusations in this case were both TRUE! Samuel was old...his sons were doing atrocious things that were way out of line from Samuel's example of devotion to God and exemplary leadership.
But these weren't the REAL reasons for the demands for King (thus rejecting Samuel and the established priestly leadership).
God's response to Samuel was profound:
“Listen to all that the people are saying to you; 
it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.”
it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.”In this narrative, God reminds Samuel that the rejection was deeper than it appeared. It was not merely personal but a turning away from the divine.
For us as adoptive mothers, when faced with words like, “Mom, you are old & set in your ways,” or “I want a different mom, home, family...” it can be easy to internalize the pain. However, stepping back to view this through the lens of Samuel’s story offers us a chance to perceive these rejections differently.
Seek God’s Discernment & Guidance
When rejection hits, follow Samuel's lead — take it to God first.
This is our chance to pause, pray, and seek divine discernment. Listen carefully to what your son or daughter is saying, not just with words, but through their behavior patterns and history.
Are these complaints a deeper sign of rebellion against the Godly values you represent, much like Israel's turn from God?
Is their misplaced mistrust being projected onto you?
The W.A.R.N. Approach
In embracing God’s guidance, consider adopting a W.A.R.N. strategy as God leads This is an approach you can begin applying right away, at any level of rejection that is rooted in rebellion.
W - Warn them:
Just as Samuel was instructed to solemnly warn the Israelites, caution your children about the realistic consequences of their choices.
A - Acknowledge their options for making their own choices (validating their Autonomy):
Recognize their autonomy, but remain steadfast in your role as a guide, just as Samuel did. For example you might say “You are free to make that choice — as your mom I need to let you know that this will happen if you do”
R - Lay out Realistic expectations:
Be clear about what your family values and boundaries are. But also take care that expectations are not so far out of reach that they set your child (and you) up for failure!
Lagging skills and abilities can be masked by behaviors. Those behaviors may not be rebellious as much as they are frustration and even shame or fear.
N - Know that it’s NOT about you:
Remember, much like with Samuel, their rejection can often be about a deeper spiritual struggle. It may feel very personal but in reality not about you nearly as much as it seems.
Reflecting on Our Role
In Samuel’s story, there was an acknowledgment of the flaws within his household, and perhaps that’s where our journey of self-reflection begins too. We must seek God’s wisdom in acknowledging our mistakes and asking for His help to rectify them. Yet, when complaints seem to mask a rebellion against living a life with God, know that God can lead us through this storm.
Trusting God’s Connection with Our Children
It’s comforting to remember that God can reach into the heart of our rebellious children, in ways we may not comprehend. When your efforts seem to fall short, let your faith stand tall. Trust that He is working, even when we can’t see it.
Adoptive mom, know that you are not alone in this journey. Just as Samuel was guided and comforted by God, so can we be, in the face of rejection. Through prayer, faith, and the wisdom of scripture, we can navigate these challenging times, anchored in the knowledge that God walks with us and our families.
So, take heart!
Your efforts are seen and valued by the One who called you to this momentous role in each of your children’s lives. Keep pressing on, keep loving, and keep trusting in the process and most importantly — keep trusting in God’s plan for your life and the mothering role He has given you, as well as His unwavering love for you and your children.
If you're feeling overwhelmed and need personalized guidance on navigating these challenges, I'm here to help. As a post-adoption mom coach with firsthand experience and an understanding of the predictable patterns that often arise in families like ours, I empathize with the unique struggles you face. Let's connect and explore how we can work together to bring peace, healing, and progress into your home.
Next Step
Schedule a coaching application call with me today. Together, we can explore how you can continue to grow as a second mom, equipped with the tools and support you need to thrive.
Click HERE to apply for and book your consultation — and take the next step in your second mom success journey.
As always, I encourage you to keep:
💓 Learning,
💓 Growing, and
💓 Loving!
______________________________________________________
Post Adoption (Mom) Coach
“STANDING IN THE GAP FOR SECOND MOMS in Adoptive & Blended Families
As a Certified LifeMapping(R) Coach, Dawn helps Christian adoptive moms navigate the challenges of their non-traditional families with their own brand of (faith fueled) success!
DISCLAIMER: I’m a coach, not a doctor nor a therapist. As a coach I do not offer mental or medical health diagnosis, treatment or cures. Furthermore, I am no longer a practicing attorney and do not offer individual legal advice. For individual advice related to your own personal situation I recommend you seek out an appropriate professional. Coaching may fill a spot in your overall support network.
—
Copyright © 2025 Dawn T. Baggett, JD - All rights reserved
—
