Parenting is rarely straightforward, but when it comes to adoption, the journey takes on added challenges. One of the profound pieces of this puzzle is recognizing the ongoing effects of the trauma background your child may carry, how it impacts their behaviors and perceptions—especially their belief (or fear) that they may be unlovable, leading them to approach close relationships defensively.
Even as the most prepared adoptive parent, experiencing your incredible love and dedication reflected back with wariness or even rejection from your child can be destabilizing.
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Did you know that early childhood trauma often leads to a pervasive sense of helplessness in children?
This in turn can cause them to overcompensate with age-inappropriate independence and rigid control strategies.
If you're noticing these behaviors in your child, know that you are not alone, and together, we can find paths toward healing and connection.
Most adoptive moms and other second moms have lots of ideas, expectations, wishes & dreams about being successful in their new mom roles.
But as a practical matter, even after years in, second mom will often have a fuzzy definition (if any) of what it means for her to truly be successful in this non-traditional role. Or how this role impacts the other roles, relationships & areas of her life.
We get stuck wondering things like,
“How can I get her to stop lying?” or
“Why won’t he do what I say without blowing up?”
When you’re unsure what to do, it’s hard to move forward & easy to feel like you’re failing.
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