Despite growing up a farm girl, I’m not much of a gardener.
I’ve done enough to admire the work and commitment of those who are.
Ever planted a flower bed or vegetable garden with a very young child?
You likely didn’t require them to do all of the work themselves. You probably did some prep work to acquire the seeds and get the soil ready. And I imagine you let them do the most fun and most pivotal part — planting the seeds.
Doing the fun part helps motivate us to do the harder parts. As moms we have big jobs in the lives of our children and I know that as a Christian woman you are committed to do this important God-given job to the fullest (or else you feel demoralized and defeated).
But just as the young child whose role of planting the seeds has a lot of supporting tasks done by someone else, we don’t plant the garden all by ourselves when it comes to our mom roles. Just as a young child may not plant their seeds well if they’re distracted or overloaded with too many tasks, or tires of it once the fun wears off, we can lose sight of our task of planting seeds of love.
It’s not that uncommon for a mom in a post adoptive family in which there has been a prolonged season of deep struggle to develop what is sometimes called compassion,
fatigue, secondary trauma or an overall feeling of just going through the motions without a sense of compassion or feelings of connection — sometimes even feeling like love, both coming & going, has dried up.
Planting Seeds of Love… Despite the Obstacles
In this episode I want to talk about our job as mom’s to plant seeds of love and continue doing so and how planting those seeds of love can be intentional ways that we can remain loving, even when we’ve lost that loving feeling.
Renewed Commitment
First, we need to renew our commitment to planting seeds of love, demonstrating love in ways our children will accept and receive. It may take some effort to discern and discover just how to do that in the face of current challenges.
Regained Focus
A close second is to regain our focus. If you’re distracted by things such as negative behaviors, extreme health needs of one child keeping you from planting those seeds of love in the others, your own hypervigilance to safety threats, it’s easy to lose your focus on consistently planting seeds of love.
Realistic Plan
Third, we may need a strategic plan to break through or get around those barriers and obstacles we mentioned. If you missed the last episode in this series on obstacles to planting seeds go back and listen to that recording.
Real Support
Finally, we need support. We may need to offload some of our other tasks in order to free ourselves up for and prioritize this one. Planting seeds of love.
There are other seeds we want to plant as well. In following episodes will talk about seeds of learning and seeds of growth. But I wanted to start out with seeds of love because it’s the crucial and primary type for us to focus on planting in our families.
Nothing without Love
We know the verses that begin the “love chapter” of the Bible, I Corinthians 13, verses 1-3 which say:
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”
Open & Closed…& Open to Love
Perhaps you don’t feel those loving feelings that you felt earlier; you may have lost a sense of connection with your child, your spouse, even for God. You are feeling drained and dried up with nothing much left to give. You may also be walled up because of the vulnerability that you feel when you open yourself up emotionally to another family member who you’ve been hurt by and rejected by again and again.
You’re not the only one. And it’s not uncommon. Better yet, there’s hope for getting past this. I hope this episode has been eye-opening and encouraging to you. I invite you to join our free guided Facebook group and if you’re interested in working privately with me through post-adoption coaching you can reach out to me by email at dawn@dawnbaggett.com or use the contact menu option at the top of this webpage.
And as always,
KEEP LEARNING - KEEP GROWING - KEEP LOVING
💜🩷♥️
Dawn
______________________________________________________
Post Adoption (Mom) Coach
“STANDING IN THE GAP FOR 2ND MOMS”
Me too!
Publishing this podcast & companion blog is one way that I stand in the gap for second moms with similar challenges to what I’ve gone through myself as an adoptive mom.
Listen & subscribe to the podcast for free on your favorite listening platform.
(Scroll down for Apple Podcasts & Spotify links).
The companion Circle of Second Moms Facebook group is a place to go deeper on topics that we touch on in the public podcast episodes along with guided journaling and more.
Tap the JOIN LINK HERE for group access.
Group members who want next level support through private coaching with me are invited to apply for private coaching by scheduling an application call. To do that click HERE.
Through these avenues it’s my desire that many adoptive moms are able to close the gap and feel fully supported in a way that align with their Christian values and helps them grow in their faith while feeling more confident and empowered in their mom roles and beyond.
DISCLAIMER: I’m not a doctor nor a therapist. None of the content published on this website is offered or presented as medical or mental health, diagnosis or treatment. As a coach I do not offer mental or medical health diagnosis, treatment or cures. Furthermore, nothing herein is to be considered professional legal advice.
