You may find yourself thinking wistfully of those pre-adoption days and what you have essentially given up.  Or you may just feel your excitement and eagerness toward life is missing.  Sometimes we don't pause to recognize grief for what it is, and can think something is wrong with us instead.  You may feel embarrassment or shame because you don't feel those honeymoon feelings toward your child all the time.  You may feel disappointed in yourself and get hung up on thoughts that you must not be a good mom. 

Don’t gaslight yourself. Your feelings of loss and grief are valid. You will all likely experience them in the days, weeks, months, years to come. You’ll continue to have adjustments to make. You’ll continue to have opportunities to model moving through grief and loss to your children. 

Good news! As humans we have the built-in capacity to hold feelings of grief and loss at the same time as we also hold feelings of joy and hope. One does not negate the other. You can love and welcome your new life with your new kiddos while also recognizing the losses you (and each of you) also have. 

Just as with post-partum depression or "baby blues" that some new moms feel in the days and weeks after giving birth, this blue-ness is not uncommon or an indication that something's "WRONG" with you. There's a natural let-down after a big high that's partly physiological. That's not to say you don't need added support. The level of additional support you may need is an individual thing. Recognize that the physical, mental and emotional toll that adding more people into your household who are largely dependent on you is not nothing.  

The stress of being stretched thin can also make you more susceptible to feeling blue. I want to make it clear that if these feelings are wrecking your ability to function you may have or be headed toward full-on clinical depression, in which case you'd want to seek out appropriate professional medical help.  

I read a good analogy that said that you must first put out the house fire before attempting to rebuild the building.  As much of a natural, holistic remedies girl that I am, I recognize that sometimes the house is on fire.  Once the flames are quenched, then we can assess the damage, make a plan, and move forward from there. 

But functioning okay, going through the motions of your life without the joy and excitement of it is not where you want to stay....just poking around in the embers while life goes on around you.  Grief and loss are real and I don't want to minimize it.  I don't want you to either.  Allow yourself to feel your feelings and grieve your losses but also to move through the waves of grief, not drown in them.  

As Christians we have an enduring eternal hope giving us the assurance that despite the losses we incur in life, we will be okay.  As you move through feelings of loss and grief, it's an opportunity to demonstrate to your family and others that hope.  Your ability to hold both -- feelings of loss and grief along with feelings of joy and hope -- and to move through those blue feelings without them totally taking over.

In post adoption coaching I can teach you my authentic modeling method of indirect influence, and help you figure out the best way to put out your metaphorical house fire.  Then we can work together to make a plan for moving forward in a way that is aligned to your personal goals, values and commitments in your second mom journey.  If that's something you'd like to explore, apply for coaching today. 

That's what I have for you now; I hope it blessed you!