If you've adopted a child (or three!) in the past year or so, despite getting into a routine and getting to know each other better, you feel a sense of loss as the reality of your "new normal" has set in.
You may find yourself thinking wistfully of those pre-adoption days and what you have essentially given up.
Don’t Gaslight Yourself
Don’t gaslight yourself. Your feelings of loss and grief are valid. You will all likely experience them in the days, weeks, months, years to come. You’ll continue to have adjustments to make. You’ll continue to have opportunities to model moving through grief and loss to your children.
Parenting is rarely straightforward, but when it comes to adoption, the journey takes on added challenges. One of the profound pieces of this puzzle is recognizing the ongoing effects of the trauma background your child may carry, how it impacts their behaviors and perceptions—especially their belief (or fear) that they may be unlovable, leading them to approach close relationships defensively.
Even as the most prepared adoptive parent, experiencing your incredible love and dedication reflected back with wariness or even rejection from your child can be destabilizing.
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Do you know or suspect that your adopted child with a trauma history has periods, however brief, of dissociation?
Not by Choice
Dissociation in a nutshell is an involuntary disconnect from your body, mind and/or surroundings. It’s an involuntary episode that like a seizure, is not something your child is intentionally choosing to do. And your child's early trauma may be a risk factor for turning on this survival mechanism.
A reminder to yourself that this isn't voluntary, along with an awareness of the specifics of how it tends to play out in your affected child when a dissociation episode happens,
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