Unless you're new to my content (or just missed it somehow) you may have heard about my authentic modeling method and wondered just what I was talking about. Today, you’ll be happy to learn that I’m going to show you everything you need to know about my authentic modeling method but were afraid to ask, including how to differentiate it from its cousins too "tough love" and the "gentle parenting" trap/trend. I hope this post encourages you that you don't have to choose between either extreme. You'll be ready to own your second mom role knowing you can maximize your positive parental influence while remaining true to your values and personal commitments.
If you've adopted a child (or three!) in the past year or so, despite getting into a routine and getting to know each other better, you feel a sense of loss as the reality of your "new normal" has set in.
You may find yourself thinking wistfully of those pre-adoption days and what you have essentially given up.
Don’t Gaslight Yourself
Don’t gaslight yourself. Your feelings of loss and grief are valid. You will all likely experience them in the days, weeks, months, years to come. You’ll continue to have adjustments to make. You’ll continue to have opportunities to model moving through grief and loss to your children.
Parenting is rarely straightforward, but when it comes to adoption, the journey takes on added challenges. One of the profound pieces of this puzzle is recognizing the ongoing effects of the trauma background your child may carry, how it impacts their behaviors and perceptions—especially their belief (or fear) that they may be unlovable, leading them to approach close relationships defensively.
Even as the most prepared adoptive parent, experiencing your incredible love and dedication reflected back with wariness or even rejection from your child can be destabilizing.
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