Mom role question:
When you think about your mom role I want you to ask yourself — and you can journal about this and pray over it but ask yourself — What do you realistically want your mom role to be like, and what do you think is standing in the way?
I’d like you to get a notebook, journal or pad of paper for a journaling exercise today about how you envision your role as mom in the current season or the season that’s right around the corner. What obstacles are you currently running up against?
Here’s your journal prompt question again so you can write it down:
What do you realistically want your mom role to be like, and what do you think is standing in the way?
I chose those words intentionally. Let’s break it down.
Additive vs Subtractive
Most people don’t talk about having a “mom role” but just being “mom”. It’s so much of our identity as moms and adoptive moms. But you are still you. The same you as before you became “mom” to your kids and the same you as you are when the kids leave home. And you are more than “ just mom.”
So while it’s a little awkward, for purposes of this journaling and power thinking exercise I’d like you to differentiate your mom roles from other roles and other aspects of your personal identity.
I chose the word “realistically” because while we could come up with some fantasy land, imaginative, dreamy way that we would love for our mom role to play out, that’s not going to really do us a lot of good — so we need to get back down to earth & get grounded in reality to answer this question. Ask yourself— realistically, what do you want your mom role to be like…that is not to say that God is can’t change things in your family, that miraculous things won’t happen… but as I have said before, “adoption is not a magic wand” and I want us to think about what is realistic & doable in your particular circumstances and family dynamics.
More than mom
Also, I did say the word, “want.” “What do you …want your mom role to be like…?” As Christians & moms who have been called by God into this role, it’s not a selfish type of want. I do ask you to consider your own needs however: your own abilities, your own skills, your own limitations and your own responsibilities and yes, desires — because you’re not just a mom; you’re more than a mom. Yes, your mom role is a big part of your life — especially depending on what season of parenting that you’re in — but you are also more than mom even in the busiest, most intense seasons of motherhood, so consider the other parts of your life as well.
Power Think Captured Thoughts
I also chose the word, “think,” intentionally. “What do you think is standing in your way…” because we are commanded to take our thoughts captive. And let’s face it, sometimes our thoughts do not serve us very well; sometimes our thoughts keep us stuck in a way of thinking so that the problem becomes more about the way we think than about the perceived obstacle. Again, that’s not to say there are zero real, legit obstacles for you in your mom roles, or generally…but how we think about these very real obstacles makes a difference in how we respond and how we problem solve around those obstacles.
Mixed Feelings make sense
Journaling and envisioning the mom role you realistically would like to have can bring up mixed feelings. That’s ok. This can help you see more clearly what to work on and problem solve around. You can also adjust your expectations and maybe change your thinking about your mom role. The truth is that we cannot control all the variables having to do with our mom roles or the relationships that are involved. And some of your other roles and aspects may need to take a backseat for a while. But you need to discern if doing so is taking away from your mom role goals or adding to them.
As Christians, neither money, marriage or motherhood, though all good things, should occupy any place in our lives that belongs to God.
It’s all too easy for any of these to become like an idol, hold too much influence over us and get tangled up in our identity.
More clarity - more of you
If the status of either of these changed, would it change who you are? Not if your identity is firmly fixed in Jesus Christ!
After doing this journaling exercise I hope you have more clarity about your desires and goals regarding your mom role and the obstacles standing in your way.
If you’re looking for private coaching support from me where we can work together to problem solve those obstacles add your name to the waitlist to get on an application call with me.
Otherwise you might like to join the free Facebook group that I facilitate, Circle of Second Moms. Links are in the podcast description or go to my website at dawnbaggett.com.
And as always,
keep learning, keep growing & keep loving.
💜🩷♥️
Dawn
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Post Adoption (Mom) Coach
“STANDING IN THE GAP FOR 2ND MOMS”
Publishing this podcast & companion blog is one way that I stand in the gap for second moms with similar challenges to what I’ve gone through myself as an adoptive mom.
Listen & subscribe to the podcast for free on your favorite listening platform.
(Scroll down for Apple Podcasts & Spotify links).
The companion Circle of Second Moms Facebook group is a place to go deeper on topics that we touch on in the public podcast episodes along with guided journaling and more. Tap the JOIN LINK HERE for group access.
Group members who want next level support through private coaching with me are invited to apply to my private coaching program.
Through these avenues it’s my desire that many adoptive moms are able to close the gap and feel fully supported in a way that align with their Christian values and helps them grow in their faith while feeling more confident and empowered in their mom roles and beyond.
