Today’s topic is emotional boundaries.
In particular on this episode I’m focusing on emotional boundaries for moms like me. In many of our adoptive families children have suffered an enormous degree of trauma and in particular the loss of not only their first mother but other caregivers as well in their formative years.
Different Types of Boundaries
You’ve seen & heard quite a bit about setting boundaries by now I suppose. And perhaps you have a good grip on what it means to set personal boundaries with others, and have even put this into practice in your own life. Even so, to make sure that we’re on the same page today, you need to know that what I mean by the word “boundaries” is that dividing line (boundary) you make to protect something of yours from trespass by another that says you will not continue past that line (boundary) with the other person. In practice it may sound something like, “I will not continue listening to you yell obscenities at me;” a boundary to protect your finances might sound like, “I will not continue paying you while your work is unfinished;” one to protect property – “I won’t leave without locking the door first”; one to protect physical safety – “I won’t stay in the house where there are unsecured weapons.”
With all these various boundaries to protect different things, there may be an emotional component. But today I want us to pick apart and focus primarily on emotional boundaries. You may set boundaries to protect your time, your physical body, your work/ability to get work done, your belongings. You can also set boundaries to protect your emotional safety.
How Churches Can Support Women who are Moms in Complex Families such as Adoptive Moms & Step-Moms
Just imagine…You're a mom, and you're not the child's first mom. They don’t automatically look to you as their home base, as “mom”. You feel alone, unsupported, and like you don't quite fit in anywhere, and while your church has been an integral part of your life for years, you’re feeling less and less connected, less and less understood, less and less supported.
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Do you think of yourself as trustworthy?
On a scale of 1-10 where do you think you are?
Where on that scale would you say most people would put you back before your child/children came along?
In our complex adoptive and blended families trust can often be lacking from our non-biological children, not because we aren’t trustworthy, but due to their own backgrounds. And that can bleed over onto others.
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